My take on the new cast of 'Dancing With the Stars'

Laila Ali - Ok, what? How is she a star? Because her daddy was a famous boxer? I’m checking my family tree.

Billy Ray Cyrus – Where shall I begin? I feel bad that this dude is using his daughter (Hanna Montana) to get back in the spotlight. Will he be sporting his mullet for the occasion? Please, dear God, don't dance to your one-hit-wonder.

Clyde Drexler – I don’t know much about basketball, but I know who the famous players are. He ain’t one of them.

Joey Fatone – He must be the token ex-boy band contestant. And from what I remember of N’Sync, he was not light on his feet.

Shandi Finnessy – what the hell is a Shandi?

Leeza Gibons – At least I know who she is. She hasn’t been on t.v. for years, but I know who she is.

Heather Mills – This is the one that tops the cake. A money hungry, one legged whore is now considered a star?!? Would you even know what her name was if she hadn’t married Paul McCartney? I loath her. I am sending her evil vibes as we speak.

Apollo Anton Ono – I will say it right now… I want him to win! I know who he is, he’s an athlete and is truly a good role model. Plus, he looks GREAT in spandex! Apollo, Apollo, Apollo!!!

Paulina Porizkova - Who?

Ian Ziering - Seriously? I mean, really? Are you serious?!?

Vincent Pastore – The Big Pussy is going to fox trot. Priceless.